The Little Mermaid - 7.5 / 10

I hadn't watched The Little Mermaid before this. Honestly, I was prepared to be disappointed. 

But I quite enjoyed it! 

There are some bits that have me thinking 'Uuuh, why would that happen?' ... But frankly, that's the case in most Disney films! 

I did do a little bit of research, and it turns out that the Disney film is very, very different to the Hans Christian Andersen fairytale ... The original is far more bleak. Though, for a large portion, this film isn't the most cheery one. 

Though, my first thought isn't so much about the lack of cheer, but more that it isn't always ... appropriate. 

1. 

She is sixteen. 

16. 

I mean, that's pretty young, no? Young to be trading her voice for legs, young to be marrying a stranger, young to be chaperoned by only a small crab ...

I mean, I get that being the King of the Sea is a pretty tough job, but come on Triton, you need to try harder than that! An endearing tale of excellent parenting, this is not. 

Maybe I'm just being old fashioned ...

Though, her youth does potentially make the next point a little creepy, but I'm going for it anyway. 

2. 
The Little Mermaid is pretty hot! 

I'm a sucker for the red hair, admittedly. 

And sure the whole scales and tail thing would take a bit of getting used to, and she would be singing constantly (unless I remove her tongue, apparently that's an option), and she does make a series of questionable decisions throughout .... but the hair.  

So we've established I like red hair. 

Keep that in mind when I review Hercules any time soon, because there is another awesome redhead there, too. 

Let's move on ...

3. 
How does she breathe?

No gills, so we already have to wonder how she is living under water. But let's take a leap and assume her mouth has developed to allow her to breathe underwater ... 

Then she is above water, how does she breathe? 

I suppose the alternative is that she gasps for breath, splutters, chokes, coughs and then dies in a heap of misery. 

I accept that this probably wouldn't match the heartwarming tale of Mermaid meets Prince becomes human ... 

Yeah, fine. We'll put this one down to Disney magic. For the best. 

4. 
Ariel really wants to be human. Like, really really wants to be human. She gives up her voice. 

Side note: Ariel is a very cool, pretty name. Disney did good on that one. Although, come to think of it, why aren't there hoards of 20's girls called Ariel? I actually do not know a single girl called Ariel. That's weird. Surely I can't be the only one that thinks its a good name? Odd. 

Anyway, what was I talking about? Right, she wants to be human. 

She gives up her voice (her tongue in the fairytale, ew) just to be able to get some legs and the small possibility of marrying a Prince (and she's only 16!!) . 

But damn, she looks so happy with those legs! Which does beg the question - are we all mega under-appreciative of being humans?? I mean, she is a mermaid, and she wants to be a human just for the legs. 

I don't look at my legs and think 'Yeah man, I'm lucky to have these babies' - and I have good legs, they are pretty awesome. Perhaps I should. Perhaps we all should spend a little time feeling good about having legs, about being human. 

It could be worse, you could be that annoying crab. 

5. 
Ursula. 

I despise Ursula. Isn't that great? They nailed her as a villain. She manipulates a teenage girl into giving up her singing voice for the slimmest chance at happiness. That's evil. 

And yet, somehow I end up feeling a little bit sorry for her, how did that happen? 

I mean, evilness aside, she has concocted a brilliant plan. She teaches a whiney brat a lesson, gets herself a sweet singing voice, and even blags herself a Prince. 

But then, it all goes wrong. Ariel gets her voice back - not by keeping up her end of the deal, but by using violence. Hmmm, that's not the Disney moral I'm used to. 

And then ... she gets stabbed in the chest by a ship. I mean, what are the chances that your Prince (who left her at the alter) is such a good ship's captain that he can single-handedly guide a large ship around a whirlpool into your chest. 

Ursula was unlucky! 

So there we go, a pretty cool film that loses points because of a pretty odd ending. 

There is a Little Mermaid ride at DisneyWorld, I have high hopes for it. But more importantly, there is a chance I might run into this ...

I joke, of course! I'll be a married man, what do you take me for?!?!

"I've never seen a human this close before. Oh he's very handsome, isn't he?"